no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
