Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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