we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
