Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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