So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
