I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
