I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
