Betty ford says i'm here all night
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
