sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize