just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
