Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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