you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
