I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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