you win again, gameday.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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