we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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