no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
