is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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