i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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