my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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