i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
