My brain says no but my pants say off.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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