I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
