Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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