We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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