i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
