The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
