I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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