the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
