so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
