if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
he just fucked me for my cheese.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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