I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
