just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
