there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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