so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Randomize
