Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
