My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
