I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
