What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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