Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
