i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
