Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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