Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
