weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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