just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
