***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
