whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
