I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
