he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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