she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
