i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
