Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
