all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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