he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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