I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
