I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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