conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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