@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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