gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
