mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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