my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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