found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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