Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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