How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
