My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Randomize
