Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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