she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize