the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
