and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
