first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
