i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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