Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
