But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize