I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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