I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Too much gin, very little bucket
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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