you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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