i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
