Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
