So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
