So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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