just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm getting married
To pizza
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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