took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
How external is "for external use only"?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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