a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
