turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i now understand why vodka
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
