I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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