I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
