i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
