I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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