when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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