He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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